Its no surprise that I, along with many others, feel completely mugged off by the government in light of the recent news. If you haven’t see it, a long story short is numerous parties were held and attended by our government when the rest of us were locked down…
I am full of so many emotions and didn’t quite know what to do with it all! After seeing numerous posts on instagram by influencers, speakers in the house of commons and your average joe, I have decided to write down why I’m angry in hopes of a sense of release and that someone else out that doesn’t feel crazy for being so angry too.
March 2020 we went into lockdown, I was 5 months pregnant with our first child. Our parents first grandchild. For a long time I was worried pregnancy wouldn’t be something I could do, as I didn’t think my body would handle it. I was so convinced I even brought it up in a pain management psychologist appointment, months into the start of my relationship with my now husband. I was scared that if things got serious and I couldn’t ever be pregnant he’d need to know before it was too late. So its safe to say this pregnancy was incredibly special and important to not just my husband and our parents, brothers etc. But it was incredibly special for me to be doing something I’d feared I wouldn’t be able to do.
Lockdown meant no visitors, pregnant people were considered vulnerable at the time so I couldn’t even go to the shops. Food shopping was done in turns by our parents and dropped off at our front door. Facetime was the only way to communicate with anyone other than each other, and I was working from home like the rest of the country. I found it really difficult to not be sharing key parts of pregnancy with our family and friends.
I have anxiety, pre-pregnancy is was heavily situation based; eating somewhere I hadnt before, meeting new people, travelling somewhere I hadnt been before and flying were my triggers. Pregnancy increased it massively and I continually felt anxious and being in a global pandemic where you’ve been told your vulnerable made it even worse! I was not in a great place at all, but I continued to work, told my colleagues (we are quite a small team which is really nice) that I was struggling and we all supported each other. Ted was great with it all, our parents were understanding and I have my friends being incredible too. My maternity cover had also just joined the team around April time, so I was able to focus solely on her and we began the handover process.
April we received the news that Ted’s nan had covid. There was a wide panic and stress and worry spread through our families. She was in hospital, but restrictions meant no one could visit. No one did. She came home and still no one visited. Front door drop offs of food shopping and birthday gifts were made. We had a family quiz night over FaceTime and then the next day we received the heartbreaking news that she’d gone. Theres nothing more gut wrenching then waking your partner up to tell them that their Nan is no longer with us. I rung my head of department, told her what had happened and turned off my laptop. I rung my Mom and burst into tears. That day I left the house, my parents had done tests and came to get us. We went and sat in the garden of Ted’s grandparents to be together as safely as we could. Still keeping guidelines in our minds despite wanting to cuddle and comfort each other.
In May, at 7 months pregnant I stood (and sat as there was one bench that was taken in turns to sit on by many of us) outside the funeral with my father in law, whilst we supported our family at a distance still sticking to the rules. He couldn’t be with his wife, neither could the other husbands of Ted’s aunties, and I couldn’t be with Ted as they said goodbye to their mother/grandmother. No wake could be had, because we stuck to the rules.
July, I went into labour. Excluding our fathers going to work as their jobs meant they still worked (but were testing constantly and being extremely careful) our parent were isolating because I am the only driver and knew i’d need help getting to and from the hospital. With both sets of parents with us I went into hospital, went home and went back. They waited outside with Ted till he could come in, then they waited as long as they could. Teds dad had work so had to go home, my mom was struggling with her conditions so my parents went home. I dont think anybody actually slept that night.
Then when I gave birth via emergency C-section everything crumbled. Our baby was poorly, he needed additional care and the only hospital that could do that was the other side of Birmingham to us. I saw my baby for a minute before he was taken to NICU and then again for another minute before he was transported to another hospital. Ted left and then until I was discharged the next day on the afternoon I didn’t see my baby, Ted or anyone. I was alone in the hospital vulnerable, riddled with anxiety and fear. I wasn’t allowed a visitor because everyone was following the rules…
In NICU at the hospital our baby was in only one parent at a time could go in, which meant neither of us had the emotional support from each other than we needed. It also meant that until I was discharged Ted was the only one able to go in, so not only had he been up all night he was now getting all the information about our baby and was having to ensure I was told but also our parents. He was so exhausted but didn’t want our boy on his own for more than was necessary. Again all this was because of the rules and guidelines hospitals followed that were given to us by the government…
I was informed I was still considered vulnerable as I was coeliac and hadnt had a pneumonia vaccine. After having the pneumonia vaccine we thought we were safe to start integrating with a slightly normal life again. Just as I was starting to adjust, we then were told that our little one was considered vulnerable because of his medical history. So back into isolation we went… This time we did the food shopping but it was our alone time. One of our parents would have Lewis we would go food shopping, come home put it away shower and then have Lewis back. Then after months we were told this was incorrect…
After months and months of isolating ourselves and our little one, with very few walks in the park to at least say hi to friends we were expected to go straight back to “normal” because thats what the government said to do. Again we followed the rules…
We followed the rules consistently, even wearing masks longer than everyone else seemed to do. We put our son at risk of lack of social skills because we were advised to shield him. We had to suffer alone in turns trying to understand what was going on with our son in NICU and piece information together as we were updated on different things. We stuck to the rules religiously and all while they partied, laughed, joked about the right answers to give…
I never get involved in politics on my socials or on here and I will continue not to, but I will say I am angry, I am hurt and I feel utterly let down by our government. But I will still continue to do what I believe is best for my family, friends, colleagues and more! Like Gina Martin post on Instagram said, I will continue to be better than them who have made fools of themselves and let us down
With love
The Unlucky Coeliac xo
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